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The Musings of a Stubborn Believer

Category: journal

Melt Me

March 27, 2014 / / 5 Comments

This. Just this…

That the truth might flourish, that healing streams might flow.
That spring might find blankets of flowers, where once were blankets of snow.

That a trillion crystal prisms might surrender winter dreams
To become the drops of water that make up the lakes and streams…

That I might be less.
That I might be nothing.

That the purposes of Grace would flourish, if need be, at my expense.

Melt me.

Words With the Father

October 6, 2013 / / 0 Comments

That moment when the endless empty makes you realize how small you are, how big the world is, (much less the universe.) and how unreasonably kind God is for still having eyes for me.

“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’
even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”

(Psalms 139:7-12, 17-18, 23-24. ESV)

Jesus Knows

September 27, 2013 / / 9 Comments

I wonder if you, like me, have ever stood in the doorway of the tabernacle* and felt like you were totally out of place there…

–  –  –  –
I stand on the threshold. This is God’s home. And it’s a place that feels as though it has been at times more familiar to me than it is at this moment. 
His eyes hold only love. 
My head is bowed though, because my mind cradles memories fresh of petty wanderings I’d like to forget.
“Welcome home.”
“Thank You, Sir.
       
But— [with trembling, and wonder, and a bit of incredulity, and still a bowed head] 
Does Your Lordship know what it feels like to be a betrayer and a murderer?”
I know. The inane questions I ask sometimes.
He just looks at me, lets me stand there a minute. And His face is kind, and grave, and silent. But suddenly His Spirit leads me back to truth 2,000 years old. I hear, I remember. I look up at His face. 
“Yes, actually… I died carrying the sins of Judas too.”

Oh. That’s right. (and so horribly wrong.)

You Who knew no sin, accepted the sin of the betrayer. 
And it killed You, so I could live.

And this is why you can welcome me home.
Let me never hesitate.
Jesus knows. 
*metaphorically speaking, you understand.

Proven Supremacy [Off the Scribbled Page]

May 16, 2013 / / 5 Comments

Do you know what I learned this morning?…
I’ve learned we can’t leave room for even the smallest infidelity. That to resist accountability in one department means failure to thrive in all others. That the slightest neglect to commit leaves a hole that apostasy will be only too glad to fill.

We can afford no such luxury. (No such villainy.)

Here’s what I learned…

The supremacy of God is manifested to the world by the fidelity of His friends.*

So it was when it appeared God Himself had been made a servant to Babylon. For wasn’t almost every holy thing from His house now beautifying a pagan temple?

No, actually not. Because the most beautiful things from God’s house were the hearts that served Him there.
And some of those hearts stayed true. Even in Babylon.

My God, show Thyself strong in a pagan land, before a pagan people, through the faithfulness of Thy friends…

*See PK Chap 39: In the Court of Babylon

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