Unsatisfied By Average

The Musings of a Stubborn Believer

Category: lessons (page 6 of 12)

Just Like Your Father

Radio in my lap, yellow lines blink by out the driver’s side.
The feeling is familiar, but the road… not so much.
I’m not coming from home. And I’m not wearing my uniform.

I am, in fact, wearing light blue with french cuffs. And my tie is branded Kenneth Cole Reaction.

But just the same…

“Catron S.O., 2466 on Davenport”
“On Davenport, go ahead.”
“Yes ma’am, we’re on scene at the rodeo grounds.”


I loosen my collar a bit, single windsor slightly adrift.
And I push open the back door of the ambulance to smile down at a mother and two seriously good looking little boys.

“Hi there…”

“Hello, my son hur– [gasp]

You must be Dr. Nebblett’s boy!!”

And I wish you could have seen her smile.
I wish you could have seen mine.

“Yes ma’am, I am indeed Dr. Nebblett’s boy.”

I sit on the gurney, across from the brave little boy with big dark eyes. He with his cowboy hat, me with my cufflinks.
And I examine, and poke, and ask questions, and watch his eyes. And compare and consult… and tell his mother what she should do.

And we are instantly friends.
And someone pulls a pack of instant ice out of the cabinet, and I squeeze it until the bubble breaks, and it transforms in my hands.

And when he steps down from the ambulance, his mother tells me to tell my dad I’d seen them, and that they sent greetings.

And I did. And my father lit up the same way she had…
Because those boys were his friends, who’d moved away. The ones that would reach for him whenever they came to the office, starting at 4 months of age…

I watch them go for a quiet moment. And I turn to Jared, stethoscope around his neck–

I think I look like my dad.

He smiles; man of well-chosen words.
“You think?”

–  –  –  –  –

I ponder. I wonder

That reaction– Do people see in my face the likeness of my Father?
Is that likeness striking enough for them to catch His features at first glance?
Even when distracted by some other stress?

Even if they’ve never met Him?


Harvest of Dreams

We sow.

Seeds.
And smiles.
And laughter on the wind.
And conversations that have nothing to do with gardening.
We sow little moments stitched together.
With our time fast running out.
And the dogs watch, and the sun turns us darker still…
And these are just little things. Just the seeds of this life.

But you know, if we take time to plant,
(–such a tiny part to play,)

Jesus brings the harvest.

–  –  –  –  –  –  –

Leaning on my rake midway down 170 feet of row, I tell my sister dear with a wink that

“If this is a hobby, it’s gotten a little out of hand.”

She straightens up, all smiles. Cocks her head a little and tells me in no uncertain terms
“This is no hobby. This is serious business.”

He Knows

So the next one will be in five years… And they can tell you month, day, minute, and second.
And it won’t be late or early. I take comfort in that…

“Like the stars in the vast circuit of their appointed path
God’s purposes know no haste
and no delay.”*
So what if He doesn’t tell me month, day, minute and second… All I need to know is, 

He knows.
Desire of Ages, p. 32

Ruthless Transformation

“This the power of the Cross-
Christ became sin for us…”
I rub the creases in my forehead, my eyes all squinted shut. 
Three days I’ve tussled with those words– 
Arms folded in the morning sun by french doors; watching sunrise through the ambulance windshield; on my feet, at the kitchen sink; on my back, late and early; in my seat at breakfast, in my seat in the office, in my seat in the car… On my knees.
And I don’t understand
I don’t understand how that Jesus could suddenly be that which was completely opposed to His nature. How He could be so thoroughly, so ruthlessly… What? Transformed? No… yes.
I don’t understand, other than what the verse says…

“For He hath made Him to be sin for us, 
Who knew no sin; 
that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him.”
II Corinthians 5:21

That is to say, the Father made His Son to be sin for us, though (even while!) it was completely foreign to His beautiful heart, 
that I might find freedom, which is totally foreign to mine.
I don’t understand. 
But I hear this little question, ringing through the halls of my mind:
If Light was willing to be made dark to accomplish God’s purposes in freeing a race,
should not smiles be willing to be made tears?
should not fullness be willing to be made hunger?
should not rest be willing to be made sleeplessness?
Should not I be willing to be made anything? 
Anything Providence desires?
Even if it is entirely contrary to my nature?
Even if it is a ruthless transformation…

Why We Live

Identity determines purpose.

In other words, who you are determines what you will do.

*  *  *  *  *

I have a question for you. A question still ringing in my ears from a secret spot on a sunny hillside at Sweetwater…

Can you tell me, in 10 words or less, why you’re alive?
I mean, are you living today for a reason, or are you just breathing, working, studying…?

Let me tell you a little secret:
Identity determines purpose.
Satisfaction is the fulfillment of that purpose.

I’m blessed to be surrounded by some deep, beautiful people…
You know what we’ve been learning of late?

Just living isn’t enough.

Let me gently remind you who you are.

You’re the King’s son. The King’s daughter…
You’re the broken little lamb that the Shepherd keeps charging into the briers to rescue.
(That’s His blood on the thorns, not yours.)
You’re the pinnacle of God’s creativity.
Yes, you.

And you were created to identify with God. And for God to identify with.
And you’ve been broken, and bruised, and horribly disobedient.
But you’ve been redeemed.

That’s who you are.

So now: Your purpose… Your motto. 10 words or less?
Choose them carefully. Because in the end, they’ll be the reason why you breathe, work, studyLive.

Can I tell you why I live? Why I love, preach, blog, breathe?
Why I want to finish Nurse Practitioner and spend 6 months of 12 in a dark land?

“To Make Men Free.”

The Anointed

Anointed.

I love that word.
David says they’re the strong ones, and the free… (Ps. 28:7, 8)
The kings and queens, and priests… Royal. Privileged.

I personally can’t get over the fact that they’ve been touched, prayed over, blessed by God Himself.

The rabbit trail I took through Strong’s landed me in a familiar place, quite possibly the single most memorized chapter in scripture.

But familiar words took on unfamiliar meaning as I saw in them the God that is everything, increasingly (the everything that has no end) to me.

I know the words in english. But if Strong’s is correct, (my soul believes it is) then those words are deeper than our contemporary use of them, by far.

I read them, speak them, love them. Eyes flit back and forth between the open page, and the Strong’s app. And my heart sings something like this–

The LORD is my Shepherd;
And He? He is absolutely everything I need.
His home is my home. 
He leads me (literally: “to run with a sparkle”) towards peaceful waters.
He returns my soul to joy…
He walks right with me in the path of righteousness, 
because that’s the kind of Person He is
And even when I walk through this deep abyss–
This deep gorge where death lives and reigns,
I fear nothing. Absolutely nothing.
 Because God is here too. And He never leaves.
Because of Him, because of His comfort and support,
I thrive even in the presence of my enemies.
He anoints my head with oil,
while my joy overflows

Anoints
But not for a throne. Not in this verse.
This one is a relatively rare word, used 12 times, and only translated this way once.
Go look it up.
The reference is to ashes… Ashes, and fat. And “acceptance”…

He prepares me for sacrifice,
And all the while, my joy overflows.

Surely… Surely, this is the best life. 

Waiting for Me

Allow me to pull you into my throbbing heart for a second, won’t you please??
Then don’t leave. We need to stick together; work together.

Photo, Joshua. Post processing, me.

Suddenly at the edge of the clearing my feet shuffle to a stop, eyes find the ground. A strange lump grows in my throat.
I’m struck with the sense that in this moment, God is here. And this, is holy ground.
I step, but oh so carefully, eyes still down. And just to the edge of Ascension Rock.
When I lift them, all burning and moist, all is quiet. All but my throbbing heart, crying out. Soft, I speak to the God so close, I can feel Him.

“My God, what have we done?


Why are we still here?”


My question trails into the breeze. But only for one moment.

Then, His voice. Silent as it is, I have never heard one kinder.

“Why,… I was just waiting for you.”


 

What Really Counts

Around the world, and back again…

Part of my heart is still in Southeast Asia. 
What remains of me has been completely transformed. 
I’m an American. Make no mistake. 
But I don’t see the world like the typical American. Not any more…
I cross the threshold back into my office/studio/bedroom at 0300, clap twice. Soft lights around the perimeter of the ceiling surge, illuminate the place. I stop and stare.
Is this my world?
Yes. 
No…
Morning light comes. (3 hours later.)
I press the silver button that will bring my MacPro to life. It doesn’t. 
I hear the sounds of a failing hard drive.
Thank you Jesus!
No, I’m serious. That’s exactly what I said. 
Do you know that stress is a choice?
Do you know that life is about much more than emails, work, school, stuff?
Or shall I say, much less?

Ask my Cambodian friends.
I work in the garden instead of the office. Then I leave home again, after 48 hours. In my flip flops. My dead computer stays. I thank Jesus for [another] Seagate failure all the way to Oklahoma… 
Because to eat, to sleep, to pray…
To serve,

this is life. 

And my computer, and my email, and my to-do list… These other things that dominate when someone asks me what I’m going to do today? 
Those are actually accessories.
On this trip, the accessories stayed home. My iPhone went to Europe in Joshua’s pocket. 
And I just loved people.

I’ve never felt so alive.

Oh Let Me Go

Let me go and spend my last drop of life and strength in some corner darkness calls home.

Let me sell ease and comfort in exchange for pain and toil, and sweat, and sacrifice.
Let me forsake the insanity of security for the audacity of a miracle-studded existence.
Let me weep. And let my tears water your dreams… 
Let me.

Thoughts Made Visible

“The more men learn of God, the greater will 
be their admiration of His character.”
–last page of The Great Controversy

Sitting cross-legged by the hearth in the dark, those words ring in my ears. I flip to the best-selling biography of the Man that was God.

And I read:

“His name shall be called Immanuel, … God with us.”*

God with us.
God. Given.
Ours.
Not just for then, but forever… “For God so loved the world that He gave…”
Not loaned. Gave.

Grapple with that for a moment.

I read on.
“By coming to dwell with us, Jesus was to reveal God both to men and angels. He was the Word of God– God’s thought made audible.”*

So this Man Who was God came to be the Song of God’s heart, that the world might hear God’s thoughts, and understand
And He, in a human frame like mine.

I wonder…
Are not the men & women who are God’s, called to much the same thing, human frames notwithstanding?

What if we were to take His thoughts (made audible) and live them…

And become to the dying world,

God’s thoughts made visible.


–*first page of Desire of Ages



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