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The Musings of a Stubborn Believer

Category: photos (page 5 of 11)

Only One

July 8, 2012 / / 8 Comments

I’ve learned something about love.

It feels the pain of strangers.

Somewhat overwhelmingly so, at times.
Or maybe it is that it knows no strangers.

Under a tiny sliver of moon in the sultry south I sit on a red-brick retaining wall, and ponder:
This joy that’s mine, this peace, this hope—

These become torture, when I recognize in the eyes of a stranger the fingerprints of pain, and I can’t do anything about it. Because as quickly as they come, they go…
And there are hundreds of them, and there’s one of me.

Only one.

And I can only be in one place at one time.
(ruthless limitation.)

But then I remember:
There’s just one of me, but then, there are the footprints.


They can’t go where I’ve not gone,
but they can stay after I leave.

Jesus, let me leave only prints You could claim as Your own…

– – –

I have only one life to live.

And that one, I intend to give away.

There is a Sanctuary

July 4, 2012 / / 7 Comments

These days begin early, pass quickly, end when the sun is gone.
We move from strategy session to our intersecting orbits around home base, and mulch gets spread, and ditches get dug, and flowers get planted, and tasks disappear from our corporate checklist in the cloud.

Sunrise (literally) finds me on my knees in the cactus garden burying drip irritation for the moss roses.
By 10:00 I’ve moved on to a sunny spot in the lawn, me surrounded by bags of irrigation parts for the Anniversary Garden
At noon, it’s in the office with me. Answering the emails from early risers in Europe. By 2:00 I’m in full swing with the laundry room all torn apart, sanding and finishing cabinets. By 5:00 I’m back in the office, for more emails, more ProTools, more design concepts for the next album cover…

By 9:00 I’m exhausted.

But I’m learning something…
I’ve been learning slowly over days blurring together. Over knees in gravel, knees in mulch, knees in grass wet from the morning’s artificial dew…

Days ago, I grunted out animated passion with every striking of the pick to gravel.
“I. Don’t. Just. Fight. For. Myself…“

Moments later, huge raindrops from a benign looking cloud drove me temporarily into the shed doorway, and I stood, arms folded, watching rain stream down.

And I realized:
Full days notwithstanding;
Long lists notwithstanding… Speaking engagements coming up, Europe travel coming up, design and replication deadlines coming up, the wedding coming up–

Whenever I pause, wherever I pause…
Wherever my knees touch the ground,
there is a sanctuary.

Twice a Crime

June 7, 2012 / / 14 Comments

To deprive Christ of His bride by flirting with His enemy–

This is high treason. 
But to shrink into a corner when the morning illuminates the sin, 
And to refuse the open arms of the God Who is Love because
I’m filthy dirty. And guilty.
And I’m not good enough, 
And He deserves something better; someone better.
And that someone else could make Him so much happier…

This is twice a crime. 
Let Him be the judge of all that.
Just let Him love you.
“I have loved thee with an everlasting love…”

Light Up Your World

June 6, 2012 / / 2 Comments

My phone rings and it’s my friend with the ever-cheerful chuckle.
(Even at 11:00 pm.)

The onions are all out drying on the lawn up at Grandma’s house… And the thunderstorm is at the county line.

The thousands of onions.

Might I lend a hand?

But of course. I peep through the blinds. The clouds west blink like they’re being hotly pursued by an army of strobes.

I jump in the waiting truck. And we race. Pallets, and crates, and two hay wagons full of onions. And just as we run the last of them into the shed, the wind slams into us in all its Oklahoman glory. And the showers of blessings begin to fall. And we jump into cars to keep our pajamas dry…

I’m suddenly seized by the urge to watch the light show.
So I duck into the house just long enough to grab 5D and tripod, and return to the hilltop alone…

It doesn’t take long. I’ve sat for 10 minute waiting to get the shot before. I only dare stay for 10 minutes this time.

But the light is so captivating…


I suddenly understand why Jesus said “Let your light so shine… that they may see… and glorify your Father.”


Because light in the darkness rarely goes unnoticed.

Harvest of Dreams

May 25, 2012 / / 6 Comments

We sow.

Seeds.
And smiles.
And laughter on the wind.
And conversations that have nothing to do with gardening.
We sow little moments stitched together.
With our time fast running out.
And the dogs watch, and the sun turns us darker still…
And these are just little things. Just the seeds of this life.

But you know, if we take time to plant,
(–such a tiny part to play,)

Jesus brings the harvest.

–  –  –  –  –  –  –

Leaning on my rake midway down 170 feet of row, I tell my sister dear with a wink that

“If this is a hobby, it’s gotten a little out of hand.”

She straightens up, all smiles. Cocks her head a little and tells me in no uncertain terms
“This is no hobby. This is serious business.”

He Knows

May 24, 2012 / / 4 Comments
So the next one will be in five years… And they can tell you month, day, minute, and second.
And it won’t be late or early. I take comfort in that…

“Like the stars in the vast circuit of their appointed path, 
God’s purposes know no haste, 
and no delay.”*
So what if He doesn’t tell me month, day, minute and second… All I need to know is, 

He knows.
Desire of Ages, p. 32

Ruthless Transformation

May 19, 2012 / / 4 Comments
“This the power of the Cross-
Christ became sin for us…”
I rub the creases in my forehead, my eyes all squinted shut. 
Three days I’ve tussled with those words– 
Arms folded in the morning sun by french doors; watching sunrise through the ambulance windshield; on my feet, at the kitchen sink; on my back, late and early; in my seat at breakfast, in my seat in the office, in my seat in the car… On my knees.
And I don’t understand. 
I don’t understand how that Jesus could suddenly be that which was completely opposed to His nature. How He could be so thoroughly, so ruthlessly… What? Transformed? No… yes.
I don’t understand, other than what the verse says…

“For He hath made Him to be sin for us, 
Who knew no sin; 
that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him.”
II Corinthians 5:21

That is to say, the Father made His Son to be sin for us, though (even while!) it was completely foreign to His beautiful heart, 
that I might find freedom, which is totally foreign to mine.
I don’t understand. 
But I hear this little question, ringing through the halls of my mind:
If Light was willing to be made dark to accomplish God’s purposes in freeing a race,
should not smiles be willing to be made tears?
should not fullness be willing to be made hunger?
should not rest be willing to be made sleeplessness?
Should not I be willing to be made anything? 
Anything Providence desires?
Even if it is entirely contrary to my nature?
Even if it is a ruthless transformation…

The Gift of a Song

May 18, 2012 / / 5 Comments

It was more than 25 years ago that my brave mother and father decided that their boisterous urchins would learn the art of song…

And we sang alright. Wailed, in fact.

Lots of times…

And the noises could hardly be called music at first.

But we’ve fallen in love now… And we wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Maybe that’s why our house is full of boisterous urchins from across the county every Tuesday.
(If you telephone, don’t do it on that day.)

Not really.
We think they’re angels… 🙂

Spring Recital – on the lawn
neighbor girl
They don’t all fit in the living room any more…
teacher’s violin
unfortunately, photographer doubling as pianist, the performance photos are thin.
that’s the musical genius behind Sweetwater Musical Institute. 
love that hair!
Kirsten
refreshments
neighbors and beyond…
Laurie
more neighbors

Why We Live

May 8, 2012 / / 10 Comments

Identity determines purpose.

In other words, who you are determines what you will do.

*  *  *  *  *

I have a question for you. A question still ringing in my ears from a secret spot on a sunny hillside at Sweetwater…

Can you tell me, in 10 words or less, why you’re alive?
I mean, are you living today for a reason, or are you just breathing, working, studying…?

Let me tell you a little secret:
Identity determines purpose.
Satisfaction is the fulfillment of that purpose.

I’m blessed to be surrounded by some deep, beautiful people…
You know what we’ve been learning of late?

Just living isn’t enough.

Let me gently remind you who you are.

You’re the King’s son. The King’s daughter…
You’re the broken little lamb that the Shepherd keeps charging into the briers to rescue.
(That’s His blood on the thorns, not yours.)
You’re the pinnacle of God’s creativity.
Yes, you.

And you were created to identify with God. And for God to identify with.
And you’ve been broken, and bruised, and horribly disobedient.
But you’ve been redeemed.

That’s who you are.

So now: Your purpose… Your motto. 10 words or less?
Choose them carefully. Because in the end, they’ll be the reason why you breathe, work, study… Live.

Can I tell you why I live? Why I love, preach, blog, breathe?
Why I want to finish Nurse Practitioner and spend 6 months of 12 in a dark land?

“To Make Men Free.”

The Anointed

May 4, 2012 / / 7 Comments

Anointed.

I love that word.
David says they’re the strong ones, and the free… (Ps. 28:7, 8)
The kings and queens, and priests… Royal. Privileged.

I personally can’t get over the fact that they’ve been touched, prayed over, blessed by God Himself.

The rabbit trail I took through Strong’s landed me in a familiar place, quite possibly the single most memorized chapter in scripture.

But familiar words took on unfamiliar meaning as I saw in them the God that is everything, increasingly (the everything that has no end) to me.

I know the words in english. But if Strong’s is correct, (my soul believes it is) then those words are deeper than our contemporary use of them, by far.

I read them, speak them, love them. Eyes flit back and forth between the open page, and the Strong’s app. And my heart sings something like this–

The LORD is my Shepherd;
And He? He is absolutely everything I need.
His home is my home. 
He leads me (literally: “to run with a sparkle”) towards peaceful waters.
He returns my soul to joy…
He walks right with me in the path of righteousness, 
because that’s the kind of Person He is. 
And even when I walk through this deep abyss–
This deep gorge where death lives and reigns,
I fear nothing. Absolutely nothing.
 Because God is here too. And He never leaves.
Because of Him, because of His comfort and support,
I thrive even in the presence of my enemies.
He anoints my head with oil,
while my joy overflows…

Anoints…
But not for a throne. Not in this verse.
This one is a relatively rare word, used 12 times, and only translated this way once.
Go look it up.
The reference is to ashes… Ashes, and fat. And “acceptance”…

He prepares me for sacrifice,
And all the while, my joy overflows.

Surely… Surely, this is the best life. 
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